Daddy Is With the Maker of the Oceans

Posted: December 10, 2014 in Uncategorized
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We were in the waiting room of the hospital for three hours after my dad died. I don’t remember talking…just sitting, staring, and thinking. I’m not sure what is “normal” to think about when you lose a loved one suddenly, but I had a wide range of feelings, although few outward emotions. I remember thinking…Daddy’s in heaven. Panic! I couldn’t remember anything about heaven except that it didn’t feel like it was here with me and my family. Fear gripped me. I wasn’t scared that he wasn’t experiencing heaven; I was sure of that. I felt fear because I knew how he disliked traveling to new places. Knowing that daddy had left this world and traveled somewhere new, momentarily, squeezed my already broken heart until it ached.

Suddenly I was a little girl again:

Me: I want to go to the ocean.

Daddy: I don’t! It’s just a bunch of sand and water.

Me: I’ll never get to the see the ocean.

Daddy: Maybe, but look around…

The part of my brain that likes to keep me on the straight and narrow, “the critic”, was laying out all the evidence … daddy hated going to new places, he’s had to travel somewhere new unexpectedly, daddy must be frightened. The “critic” was scaring the audience inside me. I felt the blood drain from my face. My legs were like jello. Thankfully, “the critic” is no match for the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of the Lord came upon me swiftly and powerfully and revealed to me something about my dad that in thirty-five years, I had never understood.

I didn’t hear the Lord speak in an audible voice, but this was what I “heard”…

Ever since your dad was a little boy he was completely content with where he lived. He looked at his community with its rich farm land, country roads, and beautiful scenery as his “heaven” on earth. He never wanted for more because he clearly loved what he had been given. It wasn’t that he didn’t want you to see the ocean or that he didn’t appreciate all that was created. He did. He just felt he had all he needed.

And, he’s perfectly content with where he is now.

I’m so grateful for how the Lord loved me through that tender and scary moment, and I’m still a little in awe over His care and concern for me. But that’s our Creator…loving, merciful, and full of grace.

***

After the funeral my husband and I left for the mountains for a couple of days. Before I left I grabbed some books for the drive. One of them was called Finding Peace by Charles Stanley. I’ve never read a book by Dr. Stanley, but he is one of my parent’s favorite authors. Because I wanted to feel close to Daddy, I brought the book and read it as if Daddy were reading it to me. I wanted to remember what Daddy found important. What would he tell me right now? Reading that book helped me say hello to the next bump (or mountain) in the road. Missing daddy.

***

I find all of these events a little odd but feel certain that the Lord led me to the words by Dr. Stanley to remind me of Daddy’s purpose in my life which was not to show me the ocean. As my friend John King said, “it was to introduce me to the Maker of all oceans.” I read the quote below from Dr. Stanley as if my daddy is speaking to me. It helps me breathe.

You are connected in your spirit to the One who has all answers, all solutions, all provision, all blessings.

So now I look around at Daddy’s community with the deepest honor and respect. We greeted eight hundred people at his visitation. These are the people God gave him to love and who loved him. The beauty of living a life of contentment was a gift from my Dad that I was able to unwrap just moments after he died. Daddy didn’t take me to the ocean, but he took me to the understanding of this … “Angela, meet God. He is everything you need.”

***

My dad lived wisdom. He didn’t lecture. He just lived what he knew to be true.

He’s left a priceless inheritance for his friends and family. 🙂

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